Letter to e'K'ta

Dear Ekta Aunty,

I am so happy to be writing to you, My name is Vanchinchastha. That's right it was something my mum and dad picked up from one of your equally long titled soaps. My name when broken up sounds like van, chin and a Chinese man says chest. When I grow up they want me to become just like one of your characters you know the types who suddenly from short skirts and tops goes to wearing sarees and nineteenth century jewelery and goes so crazy with it that even sleeps in them, wooohoow I can't wait to give up meat, booze and a career for my loving husband whose name also freakishly starts with 'V' and cook for him and wait for his rebirth after his death to lead a pavitra rishta that never got apavitra.

    Sometimes when I see my friends drinking and smoking and doing shit, it reminds me of one of the negative characters in your soaps you know the red haired chick with excessive make up and either sporting short hair or long hair but never tied up. She also has this background music to every wise crack or let's say murder plan she makes for the leading lady. Oh no but I want to be like the saree clad bahu the one who touches the feet of her elders because she wears so much oil in her head no one dares to hug her.And ofcourse not consummate my relationship with my hunk of a husband from a middle class family living in a palace as we are sure to be trapped in a cabin on a rainy night where the miracle of life happens. Yes in just one go. :O

My husband and I shall support the family while we see the evil brother and his equally satanic wife plotting to take over it, but no siry I shall keep my mouth shut "Kyunki mere pass Maa hai". And then again support my family, but this time by wearing torn or patched up sarees and stand in the line for water in a unimaginably dirty slum that gives dharavi a run for its money. Oh yes and trade my 19th Century jewelery for a 'chutki bhar sindoor' while my husband the ex-rich successful business man now ofcourse a petty thief goes and robs the same place I sold the jewelery at.  
  Oh yes how can I forget the cabin conceived baby the baby who recovered from cancer because in this world menial illnesses like cold and cough do not happen to poor people like us. Yes my cabin conceived baby shall save us as he suddenly turns 25 years old with so much anger that he can destroy his evil uncle and aunt.
This will be a dream come true ekta aunty because of you, this has become a reality to my parents and as they say you are your parents might in turn be a reality for me.

But say no more you even seem to have a strong hold on the reality tv too.

The End

P.S.
I hate you.