A Dedication

There's this boy I met one day,

I thought he's shy he didn't have much to say,

His talk was never precise he seemed to be confused,

And his thoughts were to me a ruse.

He told me things he probably didn't want to tell,

He told me he felt his life was a hell,

and so this is what I said to him one day

"if you don't see beyond the tough times now you'll never enjoy the oasis of life,

Struggle at this point will get you happiness in rife"

Live life large do what your heart says to you,

and you can make that I M possible true.

An Incomplete Search

I see that smile what a killer one,

a face so bright as bright as the sun.

Days have gone by I miss that face,

I try hard to find, but it's only shadows I chase.

Summers gone and winter I long,

The cold feeling I have inside is the same outside,

reaching far, reaching wide to meet that hand,

I reach a tranquil place an unknown land

then I wake up to see it's just another dream.

My Wishful sinful and wicked world

Wishful sinful wicked me

I see what I want but I never get what I need

Wishful sinful wicked blues

I hate when I'm sad because I let my sad self loose

Wishful sinful wicked truth

When being myself yields no fruit

Wishful sinful wicked you

For thinking of me for someone I am not

Light of my own...

Days of darkness have come and gone,

Begetter's light has led my way for so long,

that light now I want to leave and find my own,

Maybe small, not too bright but I want my light to be known.

Days of brightness had left me blind,

the light so bright it shunned the real,

explore!explore!, my dim light cries,

and one day I know it'll certainly be bright.

Me a writer??

I had a dream and so I wrote this blog, in that dream I was narrating a story, and as I narrated the characters came alive, well they came alive not in front of me doing goofy things as I narrated but its like I went into their world, I got to watch what was happening.
This entry is not for what was in my dream, its for something I am trying to find in myself for a very long time, can I become a writer?

Well many people are going to laugh when they read this it's not because this blog is funny but for the shear reason they know me, Sneha Gokarn who scored not more than fifty marks in the English subject in school, always passing marks in grammar, once I even got half a mark for an essay I wrote in my prelim paper in the tenth standard, well I can't exactly be blamed the topic was "1 hour in a mall" I had three to four minutes to write it, so I wrote about a terrorist attack, maybe that examiner was a peace lover, but I did save the mall from being blown to pieces and you can't leave aside a 15 yr old apprehending a brawny terrorist. Well no issues as I laugh looking back at that day.
Anyway, I have written quite a few blogs to call myself a blogger, how many pages do I have to tear of my notebook to be called a writer, ya well silly joke. Maybe I can write serious stuff. Okay, besides my screwed up grammar and grasp of the English language, what else deters me is my boredom, I can't stick my butt to the chair and write 400 pages not my cup of tea. Lastly my IQ is that of an average american, yes AMERICAN!!!. Too embarrassing to mention.

Okay lets give it a shot, I raced my friend to the beach, after I left her far behind I fell on my knees on to the soft sand, taking in the sweet smell of the sea, I relaxed as I saw the sunset. I put my feet up in the air pretended I was walking on the sky, rubbing my feet against the setting sun as the wet sand fell from my feet due to the elevation. I closed my eyes and tried to hear only the waves as the wind frisked my hair.

I am not a pessimist, to tell you the truth I don't read much either, I can't tell the nuances in works of art and I don't speak multiple languages, I don't grasp things very fast and I take time to comprehend magazine articles especially those on finance and technical matter, but I still want to be a writer...

Transferrable happiness

When does that feeling of hapiness rise within you,

is it on the day you get a good result,

is it the day you cook your first meal while away from home,

is it when you get a pat on your back from your superior for a job well done.

Sometimes wishful sometimes sinful,

sometime wicked,

we want,we want something to make us happy.

To find that something we search our whole life,

being happy everytime that small instance occurs,

next time something else happens and there you go you're happy again.

It maybe a travel to a new place,

maybe a discovery of a smiling new face,

maybe dawn after a very dark night,

or maybe a 2 week awaited full moon light.

Sometimes wishful,sometimes sinful

sometimes happy sometimes blue,

we grow up to realise the same thing that made us happy as kids,

now we seek no pleasure from it.

So strange it is when we give the same to our child who smiles when he gets it

and we regain that pleasure.

Happiness is transferrable and so is pain,

happiness is spread when one won't see his gain,

you can even give pain to someone and recieve happiness from it,

but your laughter will soon turn into tears as your smile will be washed away by the rain.

Random thoughts on love

What is love

Is it the climb through the thorny stem to the sweet smelling rose.

Is it the cool breeze that makes the sweat from the hot summers day go away.

Is it that something, when you recieve you give back double.

Is it like when your mother strokes your hair when she thinks your asleep.

Is the sweet smell of the ground on the first shower of rain.

Or is it like a baby's laughter.

Sometimes so true love feels 

sometimes it's so out of reach

you want to hold on to someone you feel,

But loves no agreement with no seal,

Love makes one cry ,love makes one laugh,

It's a matter of luck actually to find the right one,

but when you think you've found him put your foot forward and half the battle is won. 

World's eye to true you.

You have a secret with none you've shared,

it's so deep and dark that it might leave ears impared,

you are so normal to the world all say,

but a feeling within you says to them, you shall not obey.

Lead a life of a nomad if they disagree,

it's your chance, your risk this shall set you free,

Deny the truth and within you'll die,

Outside you tell no truth and even within you're a lie.

The feeling of discomfirt shall disappear,

after the truth's let out some friends and family won't appear,

But this makes you know of all those who really care,

for those are the ones with whom your life you must share.

My list of beers.

Today my friend and I went out drinking, when you are low on cash and want high sprits, the 1st thing you do is check the nearest happy hour joints. Due to lack of time and also the fact we were short on cash we had to settle for a local pub for some binge drinking. 

      As we perused the menu we realised that we haven't had much beer experience. The usual kingfisher,carlsberg and so on , I thought of this thing, why not populate this post with the beers I have had till the age of 30, currently I am 21 lets see how long I can strech the list in the next 9 years.

Guys leave comments with your beer lists...\m/

1. Carlsberg

2.Tuborg.

3.Kingfisher Mild

4. Kingfisher Strong

5. Fosters

6.Budwieser

7.Royal Challenge

Dreamer v/s Pessimist (Kindergarden version)

P:Dream's come true and sure they do,

    but when you don't have feet why dream of a shoe!

D:Dream's give you a way when you dont have a clue,

    Dream's tell you not what you have to but what you really want to do.

D:Dream's show you colours never brighter they could have look,

    Dream's also have this way to let you off the hook,

    and dream's tell you things you could never read off a book,

P:Dreams never need any thought process,

    Its just some fun you have like when you're off on recess,

D:Dreams are more than that I must say,

    Dreams take you through the dark night to make you see a bright sunny day.

In search of his voice

He was singing a song that meant nothing to me,

just hearing his voice it touched my heart that he was the only thing I could see,

He had pain in his voice,

like he was in a delimma there was no choice.

My choice was clear that he was the one,

and my voice spoke out to seek his in return,

but his voice seemed to fade away from me,

and there was no trace of him no concern.

I roamed door to door to seek his voice,

I didnt hear it it was just white noise,

all night I cried to see his face,

hes not coming back hes left me in a daze.

this seems undone it seems incomplete,

and it'll find its end when our souls meet...

Aces High

So wasted I am,

but I've never left better,

the highs a new feeling,

its a new life oh no its the old one healing.

colours of rainbow seem to appear in front of me,

oh wait thats not the only thing I see,

I see new worlds and  new possibilities,

but somehow when I stand upright I feel like I'm falling off an acclivity.

To do or not to do,

to be or not to be,

is not the question anymore,

I feel I have the answers to them all,

with this high I feel like another soul.

addiction or hypocrisy?

Why should I run from trying new things,

Why am I afraid I shall be addicted,

and then say I'm bound by no strings,

there lies some sense of hypocrasy there you know,

to defend that I say to my parents I owe.

Whats life without a bit of fun,

true life without fun is so undone,

no matter what the others say or do,

I want to live and die being a son of a gun

Will's Wing

You seek the truth,

you look inside but see nothing,

you're trapped somewhere,

you call yourself a free bird but you have a broken wing.

You try to fly but theres always something that pulls you down,

and you say nothing,

Along comes a man with courage he fills you,

hes seems to have mended your broken wing.

But the wing just carries you places,

to see the new world to see new faces,

But I say its not wings you need to see your new life begin,

with a strong 'will' you'll see how your whole world shall swing.

for women's day(8th march)

She walked into a room of strangers,

she felt confident and bold,

what she didnt know that it was a room of dangers,

but if she passed she would reap gold.

For the rich nor poor she said,

she belonged in between,

with her head on her shoulders she walked,

and the confidence in her gait unseen.

her smile not too wide just perfect,

with one glance she swept you off your feet.

She is the women of today,

She knows how to do and what to say

in other words she has the mantra to succeed

Friends to be

As we drove by her we saw her quivering face,

She was pale but I know her to be strong,

She told none of us what had gone wrong.

 

I’m no friend or a foe,

I didn’t probe much about her row,

But I don’t know why a feeling arose,

To make her laugh and get rid off her woes.

 

Friends or foes which ever we might be,

Nor do I know till what degree,

But what I don't know can I really trust any of them,

When I have been cheated by every man and fem. 

Big R

Those days of glory now days with none,

Big R has hit us one by one,

Someday we ll all drown in the sea of no money,

the days ahead are dark not one sunny.

white is colourless

That night I couldn't sleep,

I looked outside my window and the sun rose,

a ray of white light came in,

so bright so white it made my eyes weep.

This light passed through the glass,

it split into different colour,

each colour for a different flower.

Each colour so unique so fresh,

each had its own brillance and spark,

each flower had grace when it danced it leaves over us a mark.

But we want all the colours together in one,

or keep trying till we get atleast some,

what we don't understand its just no fun,

thats because when colours combine they turn into light,

this light not colourful but white.....

senseless stress

These people walked around me,

with this freshness on their face,

these people were from all genders all caste and all race,

but something was different about them they seemed  so undistracted, so calm,so quiet,

unlike my restless soul within my head theres constant riot .

One of them didnt open his eyes,

but seemed to know when the sun would rise,

 a preety girl I saw her  move around ,

with grace she moved her feet although there was no music on.

they seemto be happy with what they have,

and they seem to do well with what they dont,

and here we juggle our lives with the things they lack,

we act so stressed like we are under constant attack.

Why colour red chases colour green?

A slow start and no one to blame,

and you find yourself alone and stray,

u lay down beside an empty road with a burning flame,

the world on the outside seems colourful except yours is grey.

So you want to break free and enter the colour,

and some find themselves where they really want to be,

they deserve it for the work they have put in,

now with a quick start in their shoes I want to see me.

Colour its so attractive and bright,

especially the green one,

its so beautiful at its very 1st sight,

but what we dont realise what the colour red has done.

colour red was that of many,

but one that shed the least got it all,

from his high chair where he sits he mocks at many,

but one day will come when colour green will fall.

The day has come so what will colour red do,

he runs from place to place,

colour green has fallen without any reason,

and colour red is back to the greys..

killers you love

Excuses for these will never end,                                                 

When you say your living life they are killing you within,

the pleasure lasts for sometime and the effects 're never on your side,

Rules and regulations never will you abide.

As one grows their brain they say matures,

and those things make you think like a two year old,

I'm not a lier nor am I a hypocrite,

All I do by having these is affect my wit.

Quitting these seems impossible to some in life,

but how does quitting come easy for something they despise.

I wanna go travel now

Travels on my mind,

New lands I want to see,

leaving the sad old memories behind,

I want to walk, run and fly free.

Dreams tell me what i want to achieve,

Money and property I dont care about,

I want to write a book about me,

Where all my exploits I ll talk about.

 Decision time is here now,

with careers to choose,

I dont want to live a boring life,

to have one place for work I refuse.

Healthy thoughts??

Random thoughts ran on my mind today, as I walked on the wet promenade I saw people run, walk, talk all passed by me and I couldn't make sense of anything they said. I just caught broken words, I, they, am, diet,fuck,seriously,oh god, and ofcourse the grunt from the fat old women who seemed to be struggling to keep up with the others. I tried jogging but as I was on break from any sort of exercise for the past 2 months I gave in. I managed jogging only for mere 5-10 minutes and then I just thought of walking the rest to reduce my guilt to have put in no time for physical fitness. I guess I need someone to keep me on my toes when it comes to jogging,my friend Amey did a good job I must say, I just can't jog without him, and I'm writing this on facebook as he's not a member, this way neither am I lying nor am I hurting my ego, by letting him know this. After a brief sprint my legs automatically walked to the edge where I sat to watch couples carressing each other, I am uncomfortable with PDA so I kept my eyes away from them. I noticed the sun was now ready to bid its goodbye and had turned wonderfully red, I caught a picture. Sunsets signify sadness rather generates this really sullen feeling within, the irony is flocks of people gather to catch a glimpse. I got up and began walking. Again I met the same people that had walked past me this time there were new words, new expressions, they were tired now.

One thing that amazed me, people didn't speak, nor did they smile at each other. They walked or jogged on the same turf, so much was different in the way they looked the way they talked, their hair, their clothes all different. But they continued to walk to achieve one goal alone lose weight, shed pounds, decrease their waist line. And this was on that promenade, the guarded promenade with security guards swarming around to not let in the outsiders. Now lets talk about the outsiders, these outsiders comprised of people too. The throng of beggars that kept looking at the joggers or the hawkers awaiting a customer to cheat on their diet or those ballon wallas who attracted the joggers kids with their fantastically coloured ballons. I looked at them and felt lucky, I eat, gain weight and can afford to lose it. They'll die if they lose the same kilo and I keep cribbing about. I kept thinking , we always thought about how much money we waste why do we take our health for granted then. Why do models puke out what they eat while anothers are dying without food. Why eat so much and then crib about it. I am a cribber too. It's something to think about, maybe next time I go have dinner maybe I'll think twice before placing an order. As I walked down the promenade I noticed my fellow joggers and I lay in the middle, between sadness caused by nature and sadness caused by poverty.

Battle

Fear not he said to him,

walk on in my son,

be courageous and shoot like you just dont care,

thats how all battles are won,

No arms, no war, no guns u need,

With No fight ,no deception, no lie,

Walk on in and try to feel the pain,

but never let the truth die.

Such words work when men fight men,

but theres one battle, this battle no man can fight,

its the cold hand of death I am talking about,

that day will come for sure, all have to face the light.