Return to the dark alley.

Days seem long nights so short,
nothing remains after the day we fought,
Drained I feel physically and emotionally,
Down I walk that same dark alley,

That shot, that prick, that puff,
I feel no pain anymore within,
Shaken,afraid, scared I am,
It takes time for the truth to sink in.

The road I'd choosen with you I saw,
I laughed with you in that open car,
I feel no pain of any kind no more,
You and life have left me with a scar.

We all have our insecurities,
Maybe I took mine too far,
Miss me, hate me, remember me no more,
I am free now, high up, I soar.

Truth be told

Down I went that road again,
Sane I was a while ago,
Makes me mad to see life end,
I don't cry on the path I descend.

A drag from fire,
A drag with scent,
This journey shall never end,
Truth of life,struggle I meant.

Doors have opened to heaven,
Doors have opened to Hell,
I lie somewhere in the middle.
Truth be told I lie nowhere.

Just before the Kill

Look into the mirror a stranger stares back,
who are you really?
Something as quiet as a hiss says Kill.
Silence masks the thrill.
 Enjoy the scream, channel the pain, I am sick to my stomach.
 Love me or hate me you can't tell.
I am the dark passenger, I say what I mean,
That shot of whiskey as dirty as it was,
Blood runs down the street.
Pointed sharp silver it is,
Cuts easy and nice,
I savor the liquid I like to slice.
Walls are stained with red not mine,
The enemy stands no more,
Faith happened and took its course,
I cut the crop at source.

In you it lies

Green life, a green field, a green outlook,
I dream't to reach the horizon,
I failed I blamed luck,
Clear skies made me see, life is not eternity.
Tall pillars stood beside me,
And nothing...

I struggled, I cried, I tried with all my might,
Soon came the light shining down on me.
Face the truth, nudge the lies,
You are what you are accept it; win the fight.

Days come by not all will be yours,
Believe in you, keep a straight face,
No matter you're last end the race.
Success lies beyond the horizon no more,
Believe and failure shall be off shore. 

Soul

A lazy day I awoke to your smile,
A ray of hope that shining light,
I see you now I see life defined,
You are the one the only,
My heart and soul combined.

My last dance

A successful life,
Money in rife,
Failure is impossible,
I am fit and able.

I dance like a swan,
Competitors I warn,
Go away, I am God,
I am sure destrucion you can't afford.

One day I danced I danced real hard,
People clapped, I cried,
In pain I was I couldn't understand,
I held a smile I tried.

A learned man told me I can't dance anymore,
Life approached its full stop,
End is what I saw,
A gun and bullet I draw.

Face the crowd no more,
My talent defeated,
I opened my mind,
I opened my soul.

I see the light I see it's bright,
A child came to me and said,
I am innocent yet I died,
I failed I failed I cried.

God why this day for me,
Was I the bad man,
I itendended no pain for anyone,
I hurt no one.

You, you are the one who's hurt,
You threated others like dirt,
Glory Glory to your art,
Life would've been easier if you had a heart.

Then take me, take me with you,
Make me the way I ought to be,
What you are is what I itentend,
To be a swan you pretended.

Being is easier than to be,
Be that man you and I want to see,
Glee and pleasure come in ways,
I hand you my love and faith.

This way.. No that way

Old songs live long,
Leaves fall new grow,
Across a highway I drive,
Long patch of lawn I mow.

Deep thoughts are not deep enough,
Living isn't meaningful anymore,
It's you, it's you I sought,
For you in my life to come I ought

To do, To say, To live to die,
Anyway you look at it,
The answer is untold,
All I wait is the reason to unfold.

Failure of trust,
kill me you must,
Belief is dead,
Love I fret.

May I know the way,
Is it upwards or downwards,
Whichever it is,
A tear, a sigh, a fear.

Make me go,
Make me feel,
Show me the way,
I am alone...

Letter to e'K'ta

Dear Ekta Aunty,

I am so happy to be writing to you, My name is Vanchinchastha. That's right it was something my mum and dad picked up from one of your equally long titled soaps. My name when broken up sounds like van, chin and a Chinese man says chest. When I grow up they want me to become just like one of your characters you know the types who suddenly from short skirts and tops goes to wearing sarees and nineteenth century jewelery and goes so crazy with it that even sleeps in them, wooohoow I can't wait to give up meat, booze and a career for my loving husband whose name also freakishly starts with 'V' and cook for him and wait for his rebirth after his death to lead a pavitra rishta that never got apavitra.

    Sometimes when I see my friends drinking and smoking and doing shit, it reminds me of one of the negative characters in your soaps you know the red haired chick with excessive make up and either sporting short hair or long hair but never tied up. She also has this background music to every wise crack or let's say murder plan she makes for the leading lady. Oh no but I want to be like the saree clad bahu the one who touches the feet of her elders because she wears so much oil in her head no one dares to hug her.And ofcourse not consummate my relationship with my hunk of a husband from a middle class family living in a palace as we are sure to be trapped in a cabin on a rainy night where the miracle of life happens. Yes in just one go. :O

My husband and I shall support the family while we see the evil brother and his equally satanic wife plotting to take over it, but no siry I shall keep my mouth shut "Kyunki mere pass Maa hai". And then again support my family, but this time by wearing torn or patched up sarees and stand in the line for water in a unimaginably dirty slum that gives dharavi a run for its money. Oh yes and trade my 19th Century jewelery for a 'chutki bhar sindoor' while my husband the ex-rich successful business man now ofcourse a petty thief goes and robs the same place I sold the jewelery at.  
  Oh yes how can I forget the cabin conceived baby the baby who recovered from cancer because in this world menial illnesses like cold and cough do not happen to poor people like us. Yes my cabin conceived baby shall save us as he suddenly turns 25 years old with so much anger that he can destroy his evil uncle and aunt.
This will be a dream come true ekta aunty because of you, this has become a reality to my parents and as they say you are your parents might in turn be a reality for me.

But say no more you even seem to have a strong hold on the reality tv too.

The End

P.S.
I hate you. 

The Cynic in me

Everyday I get up with a mission, something new to do, something different. Well by the time I get the day started and you know when I actually get it started the enthusiasm triples, more like in the other direction.As nowadays I seem to do something unlikely, something I never thought would happen, I have started agreeing to what Mara used to say, I have become the president of cynicism land. Ok wait that isn't happening last I checked I was contesting for Lala land.

I ain't self battering but my self loathing levels have been at their peak lately and I ain't even PMSing. Let's just look at things I like to do. I like to talk, I like to write, read make jokes, pull Aditee's leg. Hmmm that can qualify as a degree really I am pretty good at that. I can actually fill pages on my resume on the wise cracks I have made about her. I am soon to become 23 how about that. 7 more and I turn twenty ten. I guess that the right way to see it, stick to the tipsy 20's than the tired 30's. Seems like everyone takes things in a negative way nowadays, or is it just me, I think a lot about things, think about why I think about things, then think about why am I not thinking about things I am supposed to think about. 

Ah well its just a start more on my cynicim later, catch me around 10 Monday to Friday!

Yellow

Where do I start and how do I end,
You and only you is what I think about,
You around me you surround me, you took away my heart.
Colours of rainbow a bright blue start,
Days of wonder, gaze of love.
You make me happy; in joy I live,
You are the reason the reason I say,
finished I'll feel if you go away.

Written on paper I pour myself out,
it's something to wonder nothing to doubt,
Feelings are mutual, brittle is nothing anymore,
we seem, we are, we will be forever...

Soul Search

An energy lies with me, my soul,

The same lies within you,

You might think differently my friend,

But I think it makes us whole.

For they move away

You meet someone,
and they go away,
you like someone,
you just cannot say

You have reasons to let go,
you have no time, their out the door,
seasons go by,
You still await to say your final goodbye.

But you can't..
You found yourself in them haven't you,
Its hard to let go,
Seasons go by without the sun,
Its time to drive towards the end,
To complete things that seem left undone.

Tourist in Bombay

I goggled Bombay today.  I came across one Blog One Way Bombay, its this American girl who has written stuff about Bombay. It makes me realize how much I know about this place I have stayed here for 22 yrs and haven't yet seen The Gateway of India I know shame on me. But as I have been in Bombay forever and as much as I know I love this place so much I won't leave it any sooner I know those things will always be there for me. But I think its time to pay tribute to my hometown see this place and write about it, for all those people like me who have taken it for granted.

Be a tourist in my own city Bombay Here I come...

Gone are those days

Fading sunlight the trees and the rustling leaves,

All remind me of something so special, pure and neat,

Those days of clarity, in those days I reigned.

Now it all seems to have gone I am left drifted apart.

Julia and Julie

The movies I saw this weekend were Wake up Sid and Julia and Julie. I loved them both, but most of all I loved the movie Julia and Julie. Two women so alike, one inspired the other and both were inspired by cooking. The movie had a simple message, especially for those who are in search of that one thing they are good at, this movie is a must watch.

 Julia played by Meryl Streep and Julie by Amy Adams, this movie is about two stories, about two different women but as the movie goes on you realize how similar both of them are, not only that but there's a Julie in each of us. Julie a soon to be 30 year old, goalless, hates her job, has written an unpublished book, feels like there's nothing she can do, gets an idea to start a blog by her husband Eric. To take up a challenge and write about it.

 Cooking is something that transports her from her not so happening life, she decides to cook through 524 recipes from the book 'Mastering french cooking' written by Julia Child in the 60's and publish a blog about it. As she cooks and writes about it, the movie shows Julia's life. Travelling with her government employed husband to various countries she falls in love with Paris and it's food, 'Bonne Appetite'. Nothing's better than butter she says. 

  So as days go by Julie starts not only cooking like Julia, but starts feeling influenced by her. The movie shows a relationship which doesn't really exist between the two women but oh so beautifully rendered on the screen, as for Meryl Streep as always a splendid job done, after Mama Mia you'll fall in love with her once again.

  Signing off for now...